George Bush Dies in His Sleep

The Onion pulls another great story out of it’s creative hat.

George W. Bush, 43rd president of the United States of America, passed away painlessly in his sleep Monday night, White House sources confirmed. The 62-year-old Bush was reportedly discovered lying unresponsive in his bed by first lady Laura Bush, a gentle smile still on his lips. “It was as though he knew it was his time to go,” said longtime family physician Dr. Harold Ditmas, who pronounced the president dead of natural causes at 7:24 a.m. Plans for Bush’s funeral have been postponed indefinitely following an unexpected incident in which the president’s corpse was sucked through an Air Force One jet engine

Four Year Old Shoots Babysitter

Only in the USA – police say a 4-year-old boy in southern Ohio shot his babysitter because the sitter accidentally stepped on his foot. Police said 18-year-old Nathan Beavers and several other teenagers were babysitting several young children in a mobile home in Jackson on Sunday when the shooting occurred.

Witnesses told police the 4-year-old retrieved the shotgun from a bedroom closet and shot Beavers. Police said the child was angry because Beavers accidentally stepped on his foot.

Beavers was hospitalized with minor pellet wounds to his arm and side.

Police say another teen was also injured with shotgun pellets.

Jackson County Sheriff John Shashteen said authorities are investigating the shooting. The child has not been charged.  I thought a four year olds shoulder would pop off if he discharged a shotgun.

Here is a diet that actually works!

Soon to be starring on the TLC channel! Seven elephants at the San Diego Zoo and Wild Animal Park have lost a combined total of 11,314 pounds ever since zookeepers enforced a nutrition and exercise regiment for them in 2000.

The rotund captive elephants that zoo visitors are familiar with are mostly overweight
compared to those in the wild.

To get the elephants back in shape, zookeepers introduced a diet high in hay and stopped feeding them treats such as bread, corn and jelly beans.

Instead of three big meals per day, they get several small meals. Zookeepers also scatter the food around the yard so the elephants have to work to find it.

At the San Diego Zoo, keepers also trained the elephants to walk laps around their enclosure. Elephants at the Wild Animal Park are also encouraged to walk across their 3-acre enclosure. Workers rake the packed soil to simulate jogging on soft sand.